A pause for me was needed, but I’m back, Sweets. Your Pisces sister turned 33.

Turning 33 feels different, and the fact that it’s my Jesus Year feels right. For me, this year is about finally letting go of survival mode and believing that I don’t have to have everything figured out to move forward. It’s the year of transformation. Rebrand. Reinvention, if you will. I keep feeling like God is calling me to rest, to trust Him more, and to believe that I can want more than just getting by. It’s about giving myself permission to breathe, dream, and stop carrying the weight of guilt, fear, and the idea that I have to hustle nonstop to be enough. I feel this nudge to slow down and make space for the things that actually matter, even if it means letting go of what feels safe.

This Jesus Year feels like an invitation to rebuild, realign, and live intentionally. This shit is scary, but I’m ready. After spending so many years just trying to get by, working nonstop and juggling everything, I feel like it’s time to do things differently. Not perfectly, but differently. This year, I want to move with intention, not just out of habit. I want to make choices that feel right, not just safe.

But if I’m honest, it’s been hard to step into this new chapter. In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I could barely get out of bed. Every morning felt like a battle, and some days I’d find myself on the brink of tears for reasons I couldn’t even explain. I’d lie there, staring at the ceiling, overwhelmed by everything I had to do yet completely drained at the thought of doing any of it. I kept asking myself, Is this really how I want to live?

That question lingered, and the answer was obvious: no. I don’t want to keep living in survival mode. I don’t want to spend another year exhausted, burned out, and stretched so thin that I barely recognize myself. I want to create a life that feels good, not just one that looks good on paper.

Survival mode is exhausting.

It’s waking up already tired, dragging yourself through the day, and falling into bed at night feeling like you’ve accomplished nothing, even though you haven’t stopped moving since your feet hit the floor. That’s been me for years. Between my girls’ busy schedules and running my business, I was always on the go. Most mornings started with a prayer that I wouldn’t fall apart before noon and ended with me passing out mid-thought. My to-do list felt like a bottomless pit, and no matter how much I checked off, I was always behind. I kept telling myself I didn’t have time to slow down. But looking back, I think I was really just afraid of what might come up if I did.

When you’re so used to surviving, slowing down feels unnatural. It’s almost like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to go wrong if you dare to rest. I realized I’d been so focused on keeping everything afloat that I hadn’t even stopped to ask myself if I was happy. Spoiler: I wasn’t.

And it wasn’t just me feeling it. My girls could see it too, even if they didn’t have the words for it. I could tell they noticed how stretched thin I was, how little time I left for anything that wasn’t work or responsibilities. That hit me harder than I expected. I don’t want them to grow up thinking that being exhausted and overwhelmed is just part of being an adult. I want to model something better for them.

The truth is, my girls haven’t really seen me set healthy boundaries before. I’ve always been the “yes” person, the one who says, “I’ll figure it out,” even when I’m already drowning. But if I want this year to look different, that has to change.

So, I did something I’ve never really done before. I took FMLA. For the first time in what feels like forever, I’m giving myself permission to rest without guilt. I won’t lie, it’s uncomfortable. Saying, “I need a break” feels heavy. It feels like admitting I can’t do it all somehow makes me less capable. But it doesn’t. It just makes me human.

The days have felt slower since then, but in a good way. I’ve been spending more time praying, writing, and just letting myself be still. Some mornings, I make a cup of tea and sit by the window, watching the world wake up, listening to the quiet before the day starts rushing by. It’s such a small thing, but it reminds me that life isn’t supposed to be an endless to-do list.

And honestly, my girls need to see this side of me, the side that isn’t always rushing, that knows how to pause and breathe. I want them to know that it’s okay to rest, that they don’t have to earn it by exhausting themselves first.

I’ve been feeling this nudge from God to rest and trust Him more. It’s been hard to pray lately, and even harder to get in my Word, but the theme for sermons at church has been The Shift. Every time I hear that, it feels like a reminder that this season is about changing how I move through life.

I keep hearing God say, “You don’t have to do this alone.” But it’s hard to let go of that mindset that if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. I’ve spent so long in hustle mode that it feels risky to slow down and trust that God will take care of me. But if I’m going to live with intention, I have to believe that God’s plan for me is bigger than just paying bills and staying afloat.

I also started therapy. Y’all, that first session? Whew. I don’t think I was ready for how much I had to say once I actually started talking. It’s wild how much you can hold in without even realizing it. But honestly, it feels good to unpack all of it, even if it’s messy.

Therapy is showing me just how much I’ve been carrying alone. It’s one thing to journal about your feelings and a whole other thing to say them out loud to someone who isn’t going to rush in with advice or judgment. Some days, I leave sessions feeling emotionally wrung out but also lighter somehow.

It’s a strange kind of peace, knowing I don’t have to figure everything out right now. That I can take it day by day, prayer by prayer, and trust that God’s timing is better than mine.

I’ve also been trying to be on my phone less, to procrastinate less, and to make the most of my rest days. It’s easy to numb out with scrolling or find a million distractions to avoid the hard stuff. But I want to actually be in my life, not just skim through it.

The only way I think I can find balance is by making the most of my leave, planning and organizing our lives in a way that makes room for rest and joy. I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly putting out fires, never really getting to the things that matter most.

By the end of this year, I want to feel proud, not just of what I accomplish, but of how I lived. I want to look back and see that I chose better, even if it was hard.

Dear Sweets (Yes, You!):

If any part of this hit home for you, I hope you know you’re not alone. It’s so easy to feel like you’re the only one barely holding it together, especially when everyone else seems to have it all figured out. But the truth is, a lot of us are just trying to make it through the day without falling apart. So if you’re stuck in survival mode, trying to find your purpose, or just exhausted from being everything to everyone, I want you to know it’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to choose yourself without feeling guilty.

You don’t have to have all the answers to start making changes. Sometimes, all you need is a little bit of courage to take that first step, even if you’re not sure where it’s leading. It doesn’t have to be a big leap. Maybe it’s allowing yourself to rest without the constant need to be productive. Maybe it’s setting one small boundary or giving yourself permission to want more. Whatever it looks like, just know that starting, no matter how small, is enough.

And if you’ve been waiting for a sign, take this as yours. You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment or until you feel ready. You’re allowed to take a breath, to pause for a moment, and to remind yourself that it’s okay not to have it all figured out. Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. God has a way of using even the seasons that feel heavy and uncertain to lead us to the ones that are full of light and peace.

So here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to giving ourselves the space to grow and the grace to do it imperfectly. Here’s to stepping out of survival mode and learning to live with intention, faith, and a whole lot of grace.

Let’s grow through what we go through, Sweets.

With love and light,
TRU 🌸